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I’m ready for my period to stop so we can start our TTC

I’ve got 4 months until he leaves..
Heres to hoping we get pregnant before that. 

So I only spotted for like a day.

I’m terrified to update this blog.
I better not start to spot.

Anywho. The husband should have a better idea as too how much longer I have to stay on birth control before we move tomorrow.

Let’s hope. Haha

I have the fever. But I don’t know if I’m going to give in. But id like to know how long it’s a must for.

of fucking course…

as soon as i say anything on this blog, 

guess who started spotting…
my period ended 6 days ago…

Its time to make an appointment. I’m not going to do this every fucking month. 

ugh,

and this blog is bad luck. 

I haven’t updated this blog in a while

So here goes.

i don’t know what the fuck is going on with anything.

my body is stupid and so is the Army.

at this rate, I don’t know when we are going to try again.

i don’t even know if i want to try again any time soon… but i really do. 

I just want all the babies and to be pregnant forever and my body is an asshole.

We were going to start NTNP in August/September ish and now that it looking more like October to January ish. 

I’ve been good with taking my b/c but this month I was a week late. Or maybe i wasn’t. ugh. life. 

I guess we will just see what happens..

hopefully we will move sooner rather than later.

jedijen:

I love this article. I will forever call BS on amber necklaces and this this was just perfect.

Anonymous: What was your birth plan when you had Casey?

Oy. it was long and since i was induced half of it went out the window. but basically as natural as I could.

Am I ever going to stop bleeding/spotting?!?!!?

Fuck.

I stopped “bleeding” two days ago.
But I’ve spotted a tad bit yesterday AND today.

What is going on with my body.

Stop it.

please. 

just stop it. 

I probably shouldn’t have read about infertility and reoccurring miscarriages….

sigh… why do I do this to myself..

This may sound horrible,

But I’ve been thinking. The more I think about it, I wish I would have had these miscarriages before Case. Not that they didn’t happen. Things happen for a reason, good or bad and it makes us who we are. They help us grown. 

But I feel like it would have been easier to deal with, before I knew what being a mother was like. Before I had a perfect pregnancy and felt his swift kicks inside of me. Before I labored for 4 hours and pushed for 10 minutes and had him look up at me. To hold him for the first time. To smell his sweet scent. To have been kept up all night, to watch him grow.

A mother loves her baby from the second she knows about them, but it changes when you meet them. I didn’t know what love was until I held Case in my arms. I didn’t know what pure joy felt like, until 12:12 on December 1st. That is the moment I felt the most alive. That is the moment that changed my life forever. 

I don’t wish that they didn’t happen. I don’t wish that it was someone else instead of me. I’m stronger than most, I can take it. I just wish it would have happened differently. 

I wish I didn’t know what it was like to be a mother. I wish I didn’t know how amazing of a feeling it was when you see them or hear their fast heart beat the first time.

I wish I was ignorant. I wish I was oblivious. I wish I wouldn’t have even taken those damn pregnancy test… 

acaciabrooke:

This is a few years old, but it remains maybe the best essay I’ve ever read on miscarriage.