Floral Tumblr Themes

jedijen:

I love this article. I will forever call BS on amber necklaces and this this was just perfect.

Anonymous: What was your birth plan when you had Casey?

Oy. it was long and since i was induced half of it went out the window. but basically as natural as I could.

Am I ever going to stop bleeding/spotting?!?!!?

Fuck.

I stopped “bleeding” two days ago.
But I’ve spotted a tad bit yesterday AND today.

What is going on with my body.

Stop it.

please. 

just stop it. 

I probably shouldn’t have read about infertility and reoccurring miscarriages….

sigh… why do I do this to myself..

This may sound horrible,

But I’ve been thinking. The more I think about it, I wish I would have had these miscarriages before Case. Not that they didn’t happen. Things happen for a reason, good or bad and it makes us who we are. They help us grown. 

But I feel like it would have been easier to deal with, before I knew what being a mother was like. Before I had a perfect pregnancy and felt his swift kicks inside of me. Before I labored for 4 hours and pushed for 10 minutes and had him look up at me. To hold him for the first time. To smell his sweet scent. To have been kept up all night, to watch him grow.

A mother loves her baby from the second she knows about them, but it changes when you meet them. I didn’t know what love was until I held Case in my arms. I didn’t know what pure joy felt like, until 12:12 on December 1st. That is the moment I felt the most alive. That is the moment that changed my life forever. 

I don’t wish that they didn’t happen. I don’t wish that it was someone else instead of me. I’m stronger than most, I can take it. I just wish it would have happened differently. 

I wish I didn’t know what it was like to be a mother. I wish I didn’t know how amazing of a feeling it was when you see them or hear their fast heart beat the first time.

I wish I was ignorant. I wish I was oblivious. I wish I wouldn’t have even taken those damn pregnancy test… 

acaciabrooke:

This is a few years old, but it remains maybe the best essay I’ve ever read on miscarriage.

Oh yeah.

I DEFINITELY should have went to the e.r today.
I definitely passed tissue.
I have been super crampy. Not bad cramps. But a lot of them.
And I have been super super hormonal.

And at this rate case is going to end up in urgent care tomorrow because I cannot get this fever to go away. And tomorrow will be day three of it being present.

Life sucks all around.

I should probably go to the E.R.

I’ve been bleeding a lot more today.

But meh. I really don’t feel like doing al that in this weather.

So im not going too. I’ll go tomorrow and get my blood taken. 
I already know whats going to happen. 
Theres no reason to go to the E.R.

So whatever.

I’m ready for this to just be over so I can get on birth control and I can drink an entire bottle of wine..

I’m ready to not think about this…again… 

jedijen:

I don’t want to be pregnant again for a while.

I need to figure out what the hell is going on and get on freaking birth control.
I’ll get off of it once we pcs and settle down.
Until then, I’m totally done.

I need a break.

Whoops. The trouble of having multiple blogs. I also mix shit up. Meh.
Update:

HCG level was half of what it should have been for the gestation i should be. 
So I go on saturday to get my blood taken again.

If its gone up, then things are okay.
If its gone down a lot, then its a recent miscarriage,
if its gone down a little, then its just lingering HCG from December. 

And if i pass any tissue I need to go to the hospital.

yay…

Lets just get this over again, so people will stop speculating and sending me questions trying to guess whats wrong.

I’m also not answering anything about it.
I will tell you everything that I know. But thats is. I’m not replying right now, I’m not answering any questions. I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to tell people.

As we all know. December I had a miscarrage. I was 6 weeks pregnant. I started spotting light pink on the 27th, the 28th i woke up with bright red blood and ended up going to the hospital. Blood and urine both came back positive. But a weak positive. The ultrasounds however showed that everything that already cleared out.

Janurary comes, I got another positive pregnancy test on the 27th. On the 30th, I went and got my blood taken. It also came back positive. 

So here I am on the 5th (yesterday) I go to give case a bath, and went to the bathroom. In which I find a light pink and brownish colored discharge…


Nothing else happened until this morning.
Blood. 


So I called. explained my situation and what was going on, they told me there was really nothing I could do but go to the E.R. if  I was having any cramps or I started to soak a pad in an hour.

30 minutes later she called me back and told me she wanted me to go get my blood taken again, because she was looking through my file and saw the results came back as a weak positive before.

So they want to rule out if or not this is another pregnancy or lingering hcg from my past miscarriage. 

I should get the results by 2ish today. And we will go from there.

If its from my last miscarriage than whatever. 

If its a new pregnancy, I’ll probably have to go and get my blood taken on saturday to check and see whats going on.

It could be fine, it could not be fine.

So here I am.

waiting for another blood test, and waiting to see what the hell is going on with my body.

If I have another miscarriage though, I’m done. I cannot do this every other month. I cannot deal with this all of the time. If It happens again, I’m just not read and I’m going back on birth control for a few months. 

We can start NTNP after a few months have passed and I’ve healed fully. 

So there you are. You’re caught up as to what is going on.